I'm laying on a mattress on an empty room. I kinda feel like a dog with his sleeping mat. I'm a c$&t hair away from losing what little I have right now and that scares me. Okay everything scares me but that's one thing I can't handle.
If you've ever been in restraints, you'll know what I mean. They tie your arms down so tight you can barely move. Like literally you can maybe mive them each a couple of centimetres. It's NOT pleasant. I kinda wish they had drugged me at the same time so I didn't have to remember it.
So imagine a 12x14 room, completely bare. One side is windows about 10'x4'. These are unbreakable (as I found out the hard way). On the other side is a literal jail cell door. I'm talking 6" thick steel with what I'm guessing is 4" thick glass. It opens and closes on a slider, with a magnetic lock you'll never bust open. That's where I'm living, on a mattress, on the floor, like a dog.
I can't remember what drugs I get. The nurses are nice and tell me but I don't remember very well. I know haldol, zopiclone, and ativan. I don't think the ativan works worth shit but maybe that's just my brain telling me that.
I have a new neighbour. I call him Crazy McLooneybin. He talks to himself and seems violent. I really hope they lock his door for the night.
Seems like bed time now. Meds are coming so I'm out for now.
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