Open Studio

 So I’m laying in my bed trying to think of what to write. I wish I knew what else to say about today. I did have a good sleep last night I guess that’s one good thing. I was supposed to have open studio such is where you can choose what art or craft you want to do. But someone on the unit has covid so they shut that down.

The idea of open studio freaks me out. I know I'm going to just sit there and draw some kind of massacre. There’s supposed to be another session this afternoon but I can’t remember what it is. My memory is worse than usual. I’m tired of fighting my brain. Psycho losing war.

The images that I have in my brain are so disturbing. I see my arm completely sliced open my muscles and veins and arteries. And then when I look around at other people I see them with hands cut off for your neck or some kind of slice to their body from a sword or something. All of it revolves around blood. They give me meds to try and help but I don’t know if they help or just make me sleepy.

The doctor said I might get to go home next week. He said if things are stable and everything looks OK and maybe I can go home. That kind of scares me too. When I think of all the objects I have at home like razor blades and knives power tools stuff like that I don’t exactly feel comfortable. I wish I lived with someone that could keep an eye on me.

I guess today I just feel sad. Not for any particular reason just sad. I think maybe it’s because I’m locked up I can’t go outside. I don’t know. But I guess I’ll just stop writing for now I don’t really have anything else to say.